Asphalt Mirror
by Hoedogg
Summary: One woman's reflections upon leaving Glenoak.


A/N:  This story is my entry in the TWoP lyric wheel challenge.  It was inspired by a song sent to me by Deadpoet.  Lyrics are posted at the bottom of the story.  Many thanks go to Cathryn for beta-ing and pep-talking me into a finished product that I can finally accept.  
TITLE: " Asphalt Mirror"  
AUTHOR: Hoedogg  
RATING: A very mild PG-13  
DISTRIBUTION: Just ff.net for now.  
SUMMARY: One woman's reflections upon leaving Glenoak.  
WARNING: Contains some late S7 spoilers.   
DISCLAIMER: "7th Heaven" and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Brenda Hampton, Aaron Spelling, the WB, and maybe some other people too, I don't know.  I also do not own the song lyrics which were used in this story.

***

They're driving again.  Not eight months have passed since the last time they did this.  She wishes they didn't have to.  It's sad, but the road is starting to feel like her home.

She turns on the headlights as the California sunlight wanes.  All is quiet as she drives, with her son seated beside her refusing to speak.  The engine in her new car hums almost inaudibly, and she remembers how that was one of the qualities she had liked best when she test-drove it.  And then, when Dick had said he would help her to pay for it…well, of course she bought it.  After all, they would have needed a four-door if he were still around.

Dick.  He's only part of the reason she's driving this car right now.  Yes, she's driving it to get the hell away, but not just from him.  Sure, she's still rather in shock about the way he threatened her son, but she's more in shock about the way she found out.

Those Camdens.  Those goddamn Camdens.

"What about 'those goddamn Camdens'?" Peter finally pipes up from the passenger seat beside her.

"Oops, was that out loud?"

"Yes!  Geez, Mom, first you pack me up and move me without even asking how I feel about it, and now you curse my girlfriend's family?  I hate you!"

He crosses his arms and sulks for emphasis, but the words don't carry as much of a sting as they used to.  He's said them too many times lately, dulling their effect on her.  She just hopes he doesn't mean them.

But she figures he has a right to vent.  After all, it's true that she packed up and moved them without asking how he felt.  She just had to get away from the Camdens and the rest of Glenoak, though. It obviously wasn't the right environment for either of them, a single mother and her adolescent son.  That family, that town never left either of them alone, constantly exhibiting an unwelcome, condescending form of pity.

In retrospect, she realizes that she should have tried to do a better job of rationally explaining her reasons for moving before they left.  That way she might have avoided the big blowout they ended up having.  She knows that she probably should have sat him down and told him, "Peter, I don't believe the things I'm seeing, and I've been wondering about some things I've heard.  Is it true that those goddamn Camdens are the ones who really run the Glenoak Police Department?"

Even in her thoughts now, she can't help but curse them.  She still wonders what made them think they had the right to interfere with her relationship, her life?  How dare they burst in on her _private_ family counseling session and decree that Dick was never to speak to her again?  It had been that smug reverend and his evil-eyed cop lackey/son-in-law.  She recalls how much she had wanted to smack them both on the spot in that psychologist's office, but couldn't because she had been too deep in shock.

First and foremost, she had been shocked that Peter hadn't told her that her boyfriend had stooped so low as to threaten him and his dog in their own house, and then again in their church.  And she had been shocked that she – his own mother – had ended up being the last to know about it; that the kid who bought her _tampons_ didn't feel secure telling her something so important.  It just didn't make sense.  Didn't he trust her anymore?

She wonders if maybe she moved a bit too fast with Dick, so to speak.  Maybe having him sleep over and cook breakfast had been somewhat over the line so early in their relationship.  Perhaps those moves had signaled to Peter that any criticism of Dick would be unwelcome.

As the sun drops behind the hills, she feels a pang of guilt over the fact that she didn't pay attention to her son's signals.  There had been times when she could see on his face that he wanted to tell her something, but he was afraid.  As his mother, she knows she should have taken the time to talk to him and extract it, but she didn't.

So instead he told the Camdens he didn't feel right about Dick, and they went sniffing around Dick's police record, which they technically had no grounds to do.  And they turned up the restraining order his previous wife had filed against him.  Then the reverend and the cop stormed into the counseling session and called Dick names like "textbook abuser", when in fact there was no evidence in the file whatsoever that he had abused his ex-wife.  He may have threatened and scared her, considering the way that he did the same thing to Peter, but he never abused the woman.

Nonetheless, she gave up trying to make excuses for Dick.  Based on the fact that he had hidden his history with his ex from her, she decided that dating him had been a mistake and moved on, quickly.  Again, perhaps too quickly.  It's just that the whole situation had convinced her that Glenoak was the wrong place for them.  Unfortunately, it hadn't convinced Peter.

He's still very fond of that Camden girl.  She can't imagine why, considering that Ruthie ratted him out to her when he had been smoking with his friends, and then again when he had skipped school.  Peter defended Ruthie, saying she was just looking out for his best interests and trying to get him to "do the right thing".  She told him that with friends like Ruthie, he didn't need enemies.  He didn't think that was very funny.

The two of them are very close, perhaps closer than Dick and she ever got despite the physical intimacy.  After all, Peter was supportive when Ruthie got her first period.  While it's not an experience she herself would have shared with a boyfriend at that age, Peter is so much more mature than most boys his age.

Maybe that's why this is so hard for him.  He's sensitive beyond his years, and he cares so much about Ruthie.  But as his mother, she had to make the hard decision – the right decision – and move them away.

God, that was an ugly fight.

"What do you mean we're moving?"

"I mean we're leaving town.  I asked the boss at my day job for a transfer, and I got it.  We're moving in with my mom in San Diego next week."

"Oh, no way in hell.  You are not going to make me move again.  I'm staying right here."

"Peter, I'm sorry, honey, but you don't have a choice."

"To hell with that!  I'll move in with Ruthie.  Her family has a big house and…"

"No!  No, you will not move in with the Camdens."

"Why not?  They're nice people…"

"No they're not!  They only pretend to be nice people.  They pretend to be merciful, when they don't know the meaning of the word!"

"Mom, what are you talking about?  Are you still mad at them for putting that restraining order on Dick?  That's not their fault.  They had to do it because you were too busy fucking him to listen to me and hear the truth about him!"

Faster than she could think, she felt the sharp smack of his cheek on the palm of her hand.

"Peter Christopher Petrowski, never, ever speak to me like that again.  We are moving to San Diego and that is final!"

"But Mom, I don't want to go to San Diego!  I want to stay here!"

"Don't do this, Peter, don't you dare do this!  You stop that crying right now!"

"But why do we have to move?  I don't understand!  We just moved here like six months ago.  Don't you understand how hard it is for a kid my age to make new friends?  You can't make me move again!  It's not fair!"

"Yeah?  Since when has life ever been fair?"

She will never forget the sound of him wailing in sorrow.  A complete breakdown.  His door slamming.  Hearing the tear-soaked words "I hate you" and "It's not fair" from behind his closed door, over and over again.  Hearing him punch his pillow and throw solid objects at his walls and floor.

He still hasn't forgiven her.  He still doesn't understand that she wants them to control their own lives instead of letting the falsely righteous do it for them.  She only hopes he can figure all this out when he's older.

And then there was that second fight before they left, when she told him he and Ruthie could write and e-mail, but not see each other or talk on the phone.  Having known her son for almost thirteen years, she understood that if she had forced him to cut off all contact, he'd just run away to see Ruthie.  It would be better to let him have minimal contact that she could monitor.  But still, the less contact with that girl and her controlling, dangerous family from here onward, the better.  He's way too young to be wrapped around any girl's finger the way she has him.

But of course he doesn't understand any of this, and she has neither the energy nor the patience to discuss it with him properly right now.  So he just sits in the passenger seat beside her, not speaking; and she sits in the driver's seat, steering, staring straight ahead.

The headlights bounce off the pavement and show a reflection of her life.  It's one long, black road with no end in sight.

***
    
    EVERYBODY'S CRYING MERCY
    
    Karrin Allyson
    
    I don't believe the things I'm seeing
    
    I've been wondering about some things I've heard
    
    Everybody's crying "Mercy"
    
    When they don't know the meaning of the word
    
    It's a bad enough situation
    
    Sure enough is getting worse
    
    Everybody's crying "Justice"
    
    Just as soon as there's business first
    
    Toe to toe
    
    Touch and go
    
    Give a cheer
    
    And get your own souvenir
    
    And all the people are running round in circles
    
    They don't know what they're headed for
    
    Everybody's crying "Peace on Earth"
    
    Just as soon as we win this war
    
    Straight ahead
    
    Knock 'em dead
    
    Pack your kit
    
    And choose your own hypocrite
    
    You don't have to go off-Broadway
    
    To see something that's plain absurd
    
    Everybody's crying "Mercy"
    
    When they don't know the meaning of the word
    
    Nobody knows the meaning of the word.


End file.
